Build Your Team

We advocate that this be done at any age, and it can be done with the assistance of a parent for girls as soon as they are old enough to understand the need. This will probably be younger than you think.

The team should have at least three members, or allies. When you call on your team, one or more may not be immediately available due to their own major event such as just having had a baby or been in a car accident. That leaves you with possibly just one or two allies. So three is a minimum.

• If you are not able to designate 3 people, do not abandon the process - continue creating your team with those you have available. You can always add people as soon as  you have the opportunity.

Your allies ideally will be somewhat older unless you are already in your thirties or beyond. You need wisdom, experience, and cool heads to support you, so youth may not be the most qualified. And you are never too old to need a team.

In addition to experience, try to enlist team members with some sort of responsibility in their work or community.  Most importantly these should be people who will fully support you, believe you, and will act on your behalf. If you are not sure that they can or will fulfill this then they are not right for your team.

The only way to know if someone is right for your team is to ASK. The premise is to establish this relationship before you need them. And then if you do need to go to them for help, they will know their role.

Go to each person individually at a specific time with a specific request. Explain that you are designating certain people to assist you in case there is a time in your life when you are harmed. You can remind them you’re just dealing with reality and that statistically it’s likely to happen. If someone thinks this is foolish and unnecessary, they’re not on your team, but you don’t have to hold it against them. Carry on.

At least one of your allies should be a man. Diversity is important in everything else, it is here too.

Your team members will be the first people you tell when an incident occurs, and you need to tell them as soon as possible. Your team has several potential roles:

• Accompany you or meet you when reporting to authorities (police, prosecutor, etc)
• Accompany you or meet you at the hospital
• Assist you in finding support and resources
• Encourage you to be practical, proactive, and confident in your problem solving
• Discourage drama, self-blame, shame, and doubt
• Support you in ways that enhance healing and well-being

 

The process of building your team will make it possible for you to walk through the world knowing that at least 3 other people walk with you. And that you will never walk with the burden of a secret.

 

These are my team members:

• Name:  ____________________     Phone #:

• Name:  ____________________     Phone #:

• Name:  ____________________     Phone #: